So…warning…this might be kind of a downer of a post.
A few weeks ago I alluded to some tragic news that my family received that I would share with you guys another time.
Basically, the week before Thanksgiving my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, which we were told is terminal.
While I’m not bumming out as I write this, it’s still a heavy topic. My intention in writing this is not to bum you out, but simply to let you know what’s been happening because I haven’t known how to write in more detail about my days and things like my trips back to the Bay Area for Thanksgiving and Christmas without mentioning it. But it never felt right to bust out with such heavy news for the first time in a daily outfit post, you know? To me, news like this deserves its own space.
We were told that while chemo wouldn’t rid my dad of cancer, it could prolong his life maybe up to another year. I’ll be traveling back home to the Bay Area to see my dad as much as I can this year because we have no idea how long he really has left.
I will say that it was strange to receive the news so close to major holidays. All of a sudden we had to switch into this weird mode of, “This could be Dad’s last Thanksgiving and last Christmas.” Not to mention his birthday immediately followed those holidays in early January…so it was all that AND “…it could also be his last birthday.” Talk about getting smacked by a ton of bricks.
To make matters harder and more complicated, I have three very young half siblings from my dad, ages 11, 5, and 3. Losing a parent at any time is difficult, but losing your parent at 30 years old is much different than when you’re only 3 years old. Ugh. It’s tragic, is it not? (Sorry, I told you this might be a downer of a post.)
I’ve spent the last couple of months processing the reality of the news, and at least for now it has settled in and we’re taking it one day at a time. I mean, what else can you do but hope and pray for the best, pursue whatever treatments you can, and cherish each day you have left?
Obviously it sucks, but if I’ve learned anything in my short 30 years it is that even the crappiest of all crappy circumstances can give life to healing, redemption, reconciliation, and restoration in ways you thought you could only dream of. There’s a lot of other craziness in my family’s history that I won’t get into, (though you can imagine…3 little half siblings? Hello!) but already I have begun to see life come to other places and some reconciliation of relationships in the midst of this. That’s not to make light of my dad’s health by any means, but it’s just to say that it has been a welcome breath of hope to see some semblance of color and goodness among a lot of grey and black.
Of course your prayers for my dad would be more than appreciated!